I gots a bezoar, do you gots a bezoar?

Don't worry if you don't. Despite sounding like it came out of a Harry Potter novel (which it did, Harry saves Ron in the Half Blood Prince by stuffing a bezoar down his throat) it's not actually a good thing.

Bezoars are lumps of undigested foods that just sit obstinately in your stomach, causing trouble. Bezoars can be caused by gastroparesis. I realized after reading the symptoms that I probably had a whole gang of bezoars chilling out in my stomach (if only they did something cool like be antidotes to poison). Recently, every time I pooped I felt like I hadn't completely emptied (I know, I know, too much info). Which makes sense if there's a ruddy bezoar in the way.

Well the only dietary cures for bezoars is to go on a low-fibre diet. A what, you say? Well fibre is harder to digest and contribute to bezoar formation like packing snow does to a snow ball. So the best thing to do is to go on a low fibre diet just so that bezoars stop forming and you can cleanse your stomach.

This just goes to prove a point that I've learned a thousand times over since these tummy troubles began: everyone is different. On paper, it looks like I was doing everything right - eating high fibre foods, exercising lots, etc.

But I guess the nutritionist didn't know about bezoars.

Oh well, I forgive her. We can't all know everything. In any case, eating low-fibre doesn't have to mean unhealthy. It just means cooking things well so that the fibre breaks down and makes it easier to digest. That just means more yummy soups for me!

Apparently dairy is ok for a low-fibre diet. If it's ok for you, then go ahead, but for me, it's not. And cold things aren't either (I know, I'm weird.) Plus, we're on a 21-day cleanse, remember?

Of course, once those bezoars are gone, try introducing a little fibre back into your diet. Fibre is good for you, but just like everything else, balance is the key.

I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to finally figure out what is wrong with me. I'm not imagining things. And there is hope. And I don't have colon cancer (fingers crossed). It's just silly bezoars.

Makes you wonder how J.K. Rowling found out about them.

Bezoar Busting Blind Rice AKA Spanish Veggie Paella
This yummy one pot rice dish is called blind rice because the vegetables are cut into microscopic sizes and melts wonderfully into the rice, creating a concoction that even a blind person could eat (as in, no bones to pick). The original recipe called for saffron, but as I am a poor college student and saffron is the most expensive spice in the world, I experimented. And it turned out pretty damn tasty. And filled with goodness. If this is what I have to eat to kick some bezoar booty, I'll gladly eat it every day!
Ingredients:
1 onion
a handful of cashews
2 tblsp. olive oil
1 bell pepper
1 zucchini
1 eggplant
2 tomatoes
2 cloves of garlic
1 1/3 cups of rice
salt and black pepper to taste (you'll need more than you think because of the rice)
1 tsp. of smoked paprika
4 cups of water
1/2 tsp. of thyme
1/2 tsp. of rosemary
To Cook:
1. Saute your onion in olive oil over low heat until it turns translucent. Toss in the cashews and saute for another couple of minutes.
2. Meanwhile, dice your pepper, zucchini, and eggplant as teeny tiny as you can. Add to the onions and cashews.
3. When vegetables are soft, add diced tomatoes and garlic. Cook for another 5 minutes.
4. Add rice and half of the water, stir fry for about 5 minutes on high heat.
5. Add all your seasonings. and stir well. Then add the rest of the water and cover to cook on low heat. Don't stir.
6. After about 10 minutes, or when the rice starts crackling, check to see if it is done. Pick up a kernel of rice and see if it's soft. If not, add some more water and let to cook longer. (Add water a little at a time to allow the rice to soak it up.) Serve hot. Yum!

Serves 4-6